Kraut Maguire (aka Tom Cruise) in Hitler Murder Attempt

Jerry Maguire tested to kill Adolf Hitler? Or was it Joel from "Risky Business"?

The first dawdler is out from the Tom Cruise film “Valkyrie” and it’s a doozy. This ill-conceived attempt by Cruise to acquire fans for Scientology in Germany by acting a local champion has got to be the single worst thought in modern film history.

As I’ve emphasised before, the ticket line should be: “You had got me at Achtung.”

Even though this is non “Springtime for Hitler,” the dawdler is so awful and so indicative of what’s to come up, you can only conceive of Mel Brooks pop up in it.

Cruise wears an eye patch and a Nazi uniform, but talks with the same flat, insensible American accent that places him somewhere betwixt Redondo Beach and Johnny Rockets. It’s perfectly hysterical to learn and see a boylike Nazi with blazing white perfect dentition and that voice denote, “We must kill Hitler.”

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The accent is only part of the job, but it’s a big part. Cruise seemingly didn’t even try for a German sound to act Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg. It’s as if Meryl Streep rolled into “Sophie’s Choice” sounding like a Valley Girl.

If this was the manner he thought he’d get to the Black Maria and minds of Germans, possibly he should get some new selling advice. When the sports fans in that state see this, even Brunhilde won’t be capable to help him!

Daniel Craig had got better look out. I’m stated that Mathieu Amalric, the probable Oscar campaigner from Miramax’s “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly,” is James Bond’s next scoundrel. That was the news Thursday at a luncheon for “Diving Bell" manager Julian Schnabel and Amalric.

Even though sources take a firm stand it’s true, Amalric would incomplete confirm nor refuse. Since his “Diving Bell” character passs on through blinking, we idea of asking him to do just that — one for affirmative, two for no — but idea better of it. Anyhow, expect a formal proclamation shortly. This is a through deal.

For the ignoble Bond movie’s manager Marc Forster, Amalric is a superb choice. He’s a vernal looking 42-year-old overnight ace, an independent French film manager who only got down seriously acting in films at age 30 and has all of a sudden been thrust into a raging career.

So what does he want to do? “I want to target my next film,” he stated me over lunch at Brasserie Ruhlmann in Rockefeller Center in New York City.

Of course, it was hard to complete a conversation with Mathieu (marked Matthew) because adult females, one after some other, wanted to come up over and “just say hullo.” Then, you know, they don’t leave.

“It’s like a dreaming,” Almaric told to me betwixt visitations.

So who is this guy? Mathieu Amalric’s acquired a very French father who lives in Corsica with his second married woman, and a Polish-Jewish-French mother in Paris.

He looks a little spot like a young Roman Polanski, which makes sense because the female parent comes from the same small town as "The Pianist" manager.

And even more ties: Polanski’s beauteous wife, Emanuelle Seigner, plays Amalric’s ex in “Diving Bell.” (The film besides features the arresting Marie-Josee Croze.)

He acquired the part of French Elle mag editor Jean-Dominique Bauby acknowledgment to producers Kathleen Kennedy and Frank Marshall, who brought forth Steven Spielberg’s “Munich.” If you retrieve, Amalric was the break actor from that film. He played the rich, young French weaponry dealer who did work with his father (Michael Lonsdale) from their country house. When Schnabel was looking for an histrion to play the portion of Bauby, who was supplied paralyzed from a shot but still pulled off to write a volume, Kennedy and Marshall proposed Amalric.

Let me say this: if Mathieu Amalric International Relations and Security Network’t nominative for an Academy Award for Best Actor, then something is truly wrong. His public presentation is nothing less that arresting, a miracle. He belongs to in a grouping with John Cusack (“Grace Is Gone”), Johnny Depp (“Sweeney Todd”), Philip Seymour Hoffman (“The Savages”) and Daniel Day-Lewis (“There Will Be Blood”). As Bauby he pulls off to take what could have been bathetic and makes it full of living.

Don’t worry that he’s French. This is no Roberto Benigni. Even though “Diving Bell” is stated mostly in French, the histrion’s English is just fine. He populated in Washington, D.C., from ages 5-8 because his father was a diarist on assignment. Mathieu is already in demand from the TV talk shows for interviews. And all this is a little unusual for him.

“The Oscars are a big deal?” he inquired at lunch. “It will help the movie?”

He is non kidding.

“Diving Bell and the Butterfly” is non a depressing film, by the manner. It’s living affirming, and splendidly crafted by manager and famed creative person Julian Schnabel.

Ronald Harwood, who won the Oscar for “The Pianist” and besides wrote “Being Julia” and “The Dresser,” made the screenplay. They all merit nominations. And if they don’t get them, well, then, when Amalric is educated in James Bond he can endanger to blow up the Academy!

PS: There’s talk that Leona Lewis will whistle the Bond theme vocal. See below…

Even the luncheon itself Thursday must have looked like a dreaming to Mathieu Amalric. With celebrated actors like Ben Gazzarra and Tony Musante in the way, Hart Bochner visit from Hollywood, and the good Bob Balaban at his table, Amalric was in real Academy company.

But the best minute of the luncheon was when Julian Schnabel — fierce looking like the Cowardly Lion after acquiring courage from the Wizard — stood up to make a hospitable speech to the 100 or so invitees partitioned from the Ruhlmann eating room.

The noise level from the early side was so decibel-shaking that Schnabel, unafraid, opened the diving event drape and bawled, "Hello, everyone. Can we have some lull in here?" The amazed diners literally came up to a screech halt. You literally could have learnt a pin drop.

After a beat, one man shouted out, "WIll you pay for our lunch?" Clear that Schnabel would non go that far, the blare resumed, and Schnabel ruined his speech over the blare.

Maybe you retrieve: last winter, Clive Davis, Peter Edge et al from J Records pieced all the best songsters and had them hear to Leona Lewis, the raging singer who won Britain's X Factor show last twelvemonth.

They then subjected material, and Davis — working with Simon Cowell — supervised Lewis’ CD.

Now that CD has been let go of in the U.K., and it’s a freakin’ smash hit. By the terminal of the time period, “Spirit” will have dealt over 400,000 CDs in Britain. It’s a small state, so that agency nearly everyone has a transcript! And that is a phonograph record for a liberation from a new creative person.

The single from “Spirit,” named “Bleeding Love,” has already oversubscribed 500,000 copies in England. (I guess some Scots purchased it, too.) Manufacture observers are already expression the Lewis — a stunning-looking young adult female with a very aphrodisiac video — will be larger than Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston

It doesn't hurt that she can whistle for real. No pulling the leg of — she's a human dynamo.

So if you're inquisitive: “Spirit” will be let go of in America next March by Davis, who has already gestural Leona to a five-album contract. We may get to understand her “live” at Davis’ celebrated pre-Grammy dinner in February. For now, you can understand her video for "Bleeding Love" at

How does Clive do this? It cadaver a mystery to us in the outside world (although I suspect Peter Edge has an thought).

Anyway, Alicia Keys’ “As I Am” will debut at No. 1 on Monday with about 600,000 copies oversubscribed. That’s more than doubly as much as Britney whatshername made in her first hebdomad. And more than doubly as much as Celine Dion’s “Taking Chances,” besides released last Tuesday.

Speaking of Celine, it’s non we don’t like her. We do! Transfer a song named “Just Fade Away” from that new record album. It’s the best matter on it.

By the manner, Clive and crew are non letting the pre-holiday season lull them to kip. They’re preparation a big launch on Dec. 4 for “American Idol” Blake Lewis (no sexual intercourse to Leona)

For contrast, over at Warner Music Group, there are no new releases regular for the remainder of the twelvemonth. Edgar Bronfman Jr. and Lyor Cohen don’t think in ‘em. Their Christmas present to operate Thomas Lee may be a at a lower place $7 stock price. Ho ho ho.

Wolfgang Puck’s favorite cookery book collaborator, Martha Rose Shulman, has just promulgated her latest nutrient tome, called “Mediterranean Harvest” (Rodale Press).

Martha, ever in demand by cooks for help on their books, has written about 20 of her own admitting the famous “Vegetarian Feast” and “Provencal Light.” If Oprah wants to misplace weight again, this is whom she should call, that’s all I’m sayin’. Check her out her delicious formulas on Amazon.com or at . ...

There are no new shows for Letterman, Leno or Conan, but there is the weekly “Heads Up Handicapping” all Saturday at 10:30 a.m. on Channel 71 in Manhattan.

Last Saturday, for those of you who lost it, I looked on this racy broadcast about horse sport which is entertained by my old pal, Mitchell Fink. This carefree, entertaining program features a twosome of guests who pick horses in five of the nine races at Aqueduct.

When the Equus caballus racing season is over, the smartest better gets his “win” donated to a favorite brotherly love. I chose the Grammy Foundation and MusiCares, and so far, I am stated, I’m in the atomic number 82 by a olfactory organ. We’ll have to observe Saturday and see if the next dissenters do better…

You may recall an item promulgated here at the terminal of August, which I registerred from Botswana in southerly Africa. It interested a litter of rarefied wild dogs on the Kwando River. Microsoft’s Paul Allen neglected to photograph them even after engaging six helicopters and binding a $2 million photographic camera to one of them. This newsman, however, got the movies.

Last hebdomad at Le Cirque, there was an update on the bedding material, thanks to conservationists Dr. J. Weldon “Tico” McNutt and Lesley Boggs. (I know, Dr. McNutt makes him sound like Professor Irwin Corey. But he’s a young tall guy with blond s-breadth, right out of Central Casting.)

The couple and their kids live in Botswana, but winged into New York for a response honoring them thrown and twisted by Wild Entrust International.

Some of the invitees among the conservation-minded enclosed Chris Johns, editor in chief in chief of National Geographic; Court TV correspondent Ashleigh Banfield; important person Ann Rapp; downtown generator and founder of Wall Street Rising Julie Menin (who’s besides a mover and mover and shaker on Community Board #1 in Tribeca); selling whiz Neal Sroka; as well as outstanding wildlife photographer George Steinmetz and Rick Smolen, Godhead of the “Day in the Life” serial.

And what intelligence is there of our cunning puppies? They’re still live, reports Dr. McNutt, although some other litter born about the same time, he was deplorable to say, has been fed by lions.

Nevertheless, their of import work goes on, and you can say about it at